Thursday, December 17, 2009

Traumatised

well, I had soooo much planned for today. Christmas baking done, house clean, raspberries picked, gifts wrapped.

not a chance.

This morning when i went out to feed all my animals, I found Huey and Duey (two of the baby goslings i wrote about in a previous listing) drown in their little pool. I was gobsmacked at how this happened, as there were sufficient rocks in the base for their little legs to climb out with (small duckings, goslings and chicks can easily drown in water) and sat there in the pouring rain crying, crying and crying.

When something is dead, it really is DEAD isnt it?

Living on a farm, i have learnt to become a bit of a midwife/nurse etc etc. mouth to mouth to baby lambs covered in embriotic fluid (eeek!), feeding a premature cria (baby alpaca) HOURLY night and day with a gastric tube and eye dropper to keep her alive, handfeeding day old budgies round the clock that the mother has abandoned, blow drying wet chickens to warm them up and the list goes on.... but not a chance with these poor little fellows. they were dead.

d.e.a.d.

Which opened a can of worms about death, and i cried some more (for those of you that dont know me personally i have non hodgkins lymphoma and have been given a terminal status) - i think i just started thinking too hard and i just sat there in the pouring rain crying. (No doubt I will have a cold tomorrow! phewee!)

I had become so attached to these three little fellows. I was particularly careful to keep them in our shed area until they were bigger so the crows would not get them, and fed them fresh greens from the garden twice a day along with fresh water.

Yesterday I was umming and arhing whether to let them out into our orchard for some free ranging, and after discussing it with my mother we decided they were still too small and easy prey. Oh! how I wished that I had, and then this would not have happened.

I decided to let mumma, dadda and Lewy out into the orchard - If i cant protect them and keep them safe, isnt it better to let them free range and let nature take its course?

7 comments:

melanie said...

awww, that's so sad. And I know just how you feel. *hugs*

Penni said...

Oh Susan, I'm so sorry. Death sucks.

Luisa @ Dance in my garden said...

That can't have been easy Susan. Sorry you are having a yucky day.
((()))

Katie Fitz said...

Ah Susan that's really sad. Your post shows what a truly caring person you are.

clare's craftroom said...

Oh how sad , those poor little things !

innerearthsoaps said...

Sorry to hear that Susan. You do become attached to your little furry ones, don't you.

About the other ... I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. Big hugs to you. xx

Red Fish Circle said...

Oh you poor dear. I wish I could be right there giving you a big hug. It is so beautiful how you care for your animals. I think it is a reminder too that we only have so much control over things - hard as we try. That seems to be my biggest lesson in this life.

I am so so sorry for your loss.